AAAAAAARGHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! 2

Once upon a time

I had a glass of wine

And then I was quite squiffy

For about one hour fiffy

Once upon a time
I was feeling fine
And then the world came in
With a great racketing din

Once upon a time

I ran out of a rhyme....

Fin.

NO ONE EXPECTED THIS TASTE OF CHINA...

It would seem my small, but perfectly formed, local Chinese has been closed down.

Because it had the worst infestation of rats in an environmental officer's 11 years on the job.

Here's a taster of the menu I was inadvertently ordering:

• Chicken and sweetcorn and rat soup.
• Prawn and rat toast.
  
• Vegetable and rat fried rice.
• Prawn crackers and essence of rat.
• Pan-fried rat with a side order of rat satay skewers and rat sauce.

You get the picture. Suffice to say, the environmental officer declared there were between 6 and 12 rats in the takeaway building at any one time.

A good way of getting rid of vermin is to have a cat, but there wasn't room to swing one....

THE HOME SECRETARY'S BRAIN IS MISSING...

Today, David Blunkett, the former Home Secretary, pledged to leave his brain to dementia research.

I leave you to write your own joke..............