THE LEADERS' DEBATE

Ah, our glorious leaders...

It is very hard for me to hear the words "Leaders' debate" because my brain is hard-wired to immediately flash up an image of Mrs.Merton announcing loudly: "Let's have a mass debate!" And then I snigger to myself.

I can proudly say that I have not heard one word of "The Leaders' Debate". Nor do I intend to. This pantomime is not for the likes of me, it is for people who decide how to vote depending on which way the wind is blowing. It is for the floating voters. I never liked that phrase myself, to me it sounds like slang for "those turds who can't make their minds up".

I have, however, seen clips of said debates with the sound removed (the best way to watch it, if you ask me). I can tell you now, it is written on Cameron and Brown's faces that if they have to join forces to oust that upstart Clegg from people's minds then they will make that Satanic pact. Both parties have worked too hard to please all of the people all of the time to be relegated to third-place status at this late stage. God forbid the Tories or the Labour party end up in the political wilderness as the Lib Dems have this past few years.

In some parts of the country the viable alternative to the Labour and Conservative parties is the BNP. Yes, folks, you heard correctly: THE BNP, with their racist policies - and, no debate about this, people, yes, they are RACIST, you only have to scratch at the surface to find out that they are Nazi sympathisers by any other name. Their spin is the worst spin of all and anyone who falls for it is a MORON.

Brown and Cameron can think themselves lucky that they are actually having a civilised debate at all. If the only viable alternative was The Monster Raving Loony Party, Brown and Cameron would have to debate with them. Or Mr.Blobby. Or a paper bag. Or a hedgehog names Maurice. People obviously want an alternative to the Tory/Labour nonsense, let's just hope they hold their nerve in the election box and teach these pompous politicians a lesson.

My alternative theory for Nick Clegg's rise in the polls is that rather a lot of Tory/Labour voters were trapped abroad by an ash cloud, leaving a disproportionate amount of Liberal Democrats in Britain.

I hope not.