For the past year or two we have been subject to two new road signs. One is a dull and grey speed camera symbol. However, here's the cheeky twist: there is no speed camera. The council must not be able to afford one... That is because they have spent the traffic budget on another road sign. This one is special - all-singing, all-dancing - it's a veritable work of art. It's like the village's version of the Blackpool illuminations. People will come for miles around just to gasp at the erection (sorry, I watched a Carry On film today) and step back in amazement. Hopefully not too far, or the area will need a third road sign: "Do not step back into the road in amazement..." And drivers will crash trying to reading it.
The village has been blessed with a laser-equipped sign on a stick that can detect how fast a person is driving their car past the local primary school. If you're doing fine, the sign ignores you. If the car is going "too fast" (which is arbitrary, depending on who sets the machine), then the sign flashes a sad face at the driver until the vehicle either slows down or has passed by.
Are these people working on the same philosophy that is applied to babies? "Babies react to smiles and frowns, so adults must too." I would hope not, but here's a true story:
I heard my manager declaring that he zoomed down a long hill and set all the signs flashing, one after another. He is in his forties... Certain adults are obviously gratified by the flashing lights.
What next? Are the police going to attend accident scenes with sad smileys on sticks, holding them up like they do with the points for the ice skating? Nurses in hospital announcing to patients that they are paralysed from the waist down by flashing a sad face on a stick?
Talk about dumbing down. Anyone driving past a school in the morning/afternoon on a weekday who doesn't pay attention is a moron. What a total waste of money. They could at least have programmed the road sign to play a tune. I suggest the following:
"Lay Down Sally"
"Boom Bang-a-Bang"
"I Believe I Can Fly"
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