Yes, you read that right, folks. I couldn't believe my blurry eyes when I took a squint at the news this morning over a cup of crappy coffee.
"Supermodel Naomi Campbell testifying at war crimes tribunal at The Hague" proclaimed the banner headline. What the..?! She couldn't possibly have committed any war crimes...could she? Or was her ego now so huge that she was the dictator of some tinpot little country far far away, imprisoning people for crimes against fashion? I decided I must be in the throes of some hypnopompic hallucination and swore to watch on until my cat spoke actual words to me, then I would know I needed to wake up.
The actual events were slowly revealed. Backwards. First of all, Naomi testified that she had been in receipt of "dirty rocks". She received dirty rocks?! Had she been in the company of some leering porn star who was known for his insanitary habits? No: two mysterious strangers had knocked on her door in the middle of the night proffering a bag of "pebbles" (I presume this was Ms.Campbell's slang for diamonds), which she accepted.
The testimony hinged on the fact that the judge(s) at The Hague wanted to know where these diamonds had come from. Had they come from the Liberian dictator and champion grudge holder Charles Taylor? who apparently managed to escape prison in the U.S. by sawing through the bars of his jail cell and nipping back to Liberia where he had a score to settle with Master Sergeant Samuel Doe, his former boss. Ms.Campbell couldn't say for certain. She "presumed so". *
I am not sure what the purpose of this testimony was. If it was to prove that Charles Taylor had his hands on blood diamonds, it didn't really achieve anything, since "presuming" something is not the same as "knowing" something. However, Ms.Campbell did drop Nelson Mandela - famous black activist and icon for freedom and equality - right in it, since it was at his dinner party that she met Charles Taylor. Oops.
I had decided that maybe she had inserted herself into the trial at The Hague because she needed the attention, but sources say that Naomi Campbell was summoned to The Hague. It must be like receiving a summons from the headmistress for hanging around the wrong type of people at school. Do war crimes trials really need this type of publicity? As long as Geri Halliwell doesn't make an appearance in the near future, we'll probably be ok.
*In an interview on one occasion it was put to Charles Taylor that some people thought he was little better than a murderer. He quickly - and illogically - shot back: "Jesus Christ was accused of being a murderer in his time".
*In an interview on one occasion it was put to Charles Taylor that some people thought he was little better than a murderer. He quickly - and illogically - shot back: "Jesus Christ was accused of being a murderer in his time".
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