WOMEN'S PROBLEMS

It turns out I committed the ultimate, ultimate sin this week as far as women are concerned.  No, I did not get off with someone else's man when I was a bit the worse for wear. I am talking about the other sin.  The party/occasion sin.

I chose the same dress as somebody else in a desperate attempt to get a dress for a wedding that was taking place in 6 days' time.

I DIDN'T KNOW!!! I was in a terrible panic, running around the local massive shopping centre on a Sunday afternoon like a contestant out of Supermarket Sweep - I had checked out all their shops in an hour.   From Monsoon to Primark, all you could hear was a wailing: "Why are people moving so slowly?"  Then I discovered it was coming from me.

It wouldn't be so bad but I was actually a bridesmaid.

All the accessories and no dress.  See, I was on a diet and you have the same accessories whatever weight you are.  Anyway, I had a dress from a previous occasion (always the bridesmaid but never the bride, but that's another story for my counsellor) - it's just that 7 days before the wedding I had to be cut out of it because of a dodgy zip (honest).

So there I was in woman hell, something I take great care not to normally immerse myself in - have you ever tried fighting against your hormones?  It's a losing battle...When - THERE, what's that?  In the first shop I had gone in, the only party dress in my size IN THE ENTIRE shopping centre, twinkling at me and whispering "You know it's the right thing to do..."

Panic over.  Try the dress. Buy the dress.  But, 50 minutes later, who's this on the phone?  A well-meaning mother of the groom asking if I had sorted my dress out.  I innocently explained the situation, only to discover...

SHE HAS HAD THAT DRESS FOR WEEKS, SHE EVEN SHOWED ME AN INTERNET PICTURE OF IT THE NIGHT BEFORE, DON'T YOU REMEMBER?

(I had been quite drunk at the time)

AAAARRRRGGGHHHH!!!!!

And then my mood ring exploded.