ANTI-SMOKING LEAFLET

I received a strange missive through the door from the government - I mean  the NHS - the other day:

"WHY USE TINFOIL AS A MIRROR?"  It proclaimed.

Erm, I don't, and I never have.  It has never occurred to me to use tinfoil as a mirror.  Ever. 

If one carries on reading, the flyer states that now is an ideal time to give up smoking and that a free kit will be sent out to you or a nominated friend or relative if you reply.

It is a bizarre statement for the NHS to be sending out to people.  What on earth do they mean?  "Why use tinfoil as a mirror?" Well, why use a hedgehog as toilet paper?  Why use a hippopotamus as a calculator?  It simply makes no sense to me.  Who are these people who are using tinfoil as mirrors?  Can they not afford to buy a mirror because they spend all their money on cigarettes?  Are they accusing me of making bongs?  Do they mean that when I look in the mirror I might aswell be looking into a piece of crinkly tinfoil because smoking ages the skin?  WHAAAAAAAAAT?  WHAT DO THEY MEAN?!?!?!?!

A flyer which might reach more people could read: "Why use tinfoil as a hat?"  There is a certain minority in society who truly believe that wearing a tinfoil hat protects one from aliens and/or CIA mind control.  What rubbish.  Everyone knows the CIA reaches your mind through your metal fillings.

A better way to protect yourself from mind control is to superglue your letterbox closed, which is what I might be doing from now on if the government persists in wasting the NHS's money by making them print and distribute these ridiculous leaflets.  

(I was tempted to send off for the free kit, but it probably just consists of a couple of sticking plasters to put over your mouth until the craving for nicotine subsides...)