Fox News is a tedious, scaremongering channel at the best of times. I tune in occasionally to see how crazy our neighbours across the pond are getting, and whether it's time to run to the hills. One afternoon, on a live link, I actually counted twenty five squad cars chasing after two suspects who had allegedly robbed a 7-11. Tonight's Fox Health Extra was particularly ludicrous:
"This is Jane Doe," a woman's voice boomed, "and she is particularly worried that her hands are looking way older than her face."
Yes, you read that correctly. A woman in America has absolutely nothing better to do with her time than worry about how old her hands are looking in comparison with the rest of her body. And because we're dealing with America, there is a treatment for old lady hand syndrome. For 750 dollars a pop, a surgeon will laser your hands for twenty minutes until they look young again. A couple of ice packs later, you're ready to go.
"It will take from three to five treatments for the best results," the presenter booms. (Quick calculation: that's as much as 3, 750 dollars...) "and the treatment will last up to three years."
Or the patient could just take their 3, 750 dollars and flush them straight down the toilet. Because there is no such thing as old lady hand syndrome. It has been made up by plastic surgeons to fleece vain and gullible individuals to part with more of their cash, to make what they believe are their vile and claw-like appendages match their glowing, youthful new faces.
"This is Jane Doe," a woman's voice boomed, "and she is particularly worried that her hands are looking way older than her face."
Yes, you read that correctly. A woman in America has absolutely nothing better to do with her time than worry about how old her hands are looking in comparison with the rest of her body. And because we're dealing with America, there is a treatment for old lady hand syndrome. For 750 dollars a pop, a surgeon will laser your hands for twenty minutes until they look young again. A couple of ice packs later, you're ready to go.
"It will take from three to five treatments for the best results," the presenter booms. (Quick calculation: that's as much as 3, 750 dollars...) "and the treatment will last up to three years."
Or the patient could just take their 3, 750 dollars and flush them straight down the toilet. Because there is no such thing as old lady hand syndrome. It has been made up by plastic surgeons to fleece vain and gullible individuals to part with more of their cash, to make what they believe are their vile and claw-like appendages match their glowing, youthful new faces.
One obviously needs plenty of spare cash if living forever is to be a viable option...
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